Has it really been nearly two a half months since my last entry? EEP!

For many it will be a surprise that I am back and writing. And perhaps a lot of you have turned off in the meanwhile. I do apologise for not responding to my dear American friends. LJ however was a period, a phase in which I would transcend and become a new “me”. It was a means to an end, looking back, and I thank you all for your comments and additions at the time.

However not to get all emotional and D&M, its great to be (at least ,momentarily) returning.

And the reason is purely sharing of relfections.

Yes I, the humble young Australian, am once again head-over-heels in love.

It could be lust, it could be piqued interest. But its something....that raises my curiosity. But let me run back to the beginning to make some sense.

You see, I've spent the past 2-3 months doing so much, but it feels like such a longer time. My work has just gone up and up into heights of personal achievement and gratification I could only dream of.

I have a wonderful team, an amazing family and an ideal-ish life.

But finding that other, that someone... well I may be there, I may be not. And I may need your guidance.

I met a girl at a random bar a month ago (yes it sounds cliché). Now she was no physical beauty in the mainstream sense, but we laughed and chatted and decided to pursue a relationship for a week. It didn't last as I called it off I didn't have that physical attraction.

And then an Aussie superstar came into my sights, and I was smitten. I loved her voice, her sould her purity and heart, and still do.

And yes, much to my colleagues chargrin, we danced and laughed as newly-found friends. It was however a short lived acquaintence.

But realism is kicking in. Much like the last girl I was smitten for, I'vre come to realise though shes got a beautiful soul, it could only happen in a fantasy world.

But then tonight... well wow. LJ – I may have found her at the most unexpected time in my life.

I remember rocking up to this artsy well-to-do gathering, and walking around in my business attire, white wine in one hand, eyes searching for those I knew in the crowd. And then I was introduced to her.

At first glance, she seemed... cute. Honest. Open. And so we begun the intricate dance of subtle courtship, sharing stories and weaving words and laughter into topics familiar and alien alike.

Turns out we have similar passions. She in arts, mine in media. And when I took visage upon her works... I behald a sight mine eyes hath not seen before. For in those dots and acrylic swirls lay meaning, message and compassion.

Here is a woman who is true and loving to her people and family. Sure she was a treat to the eye, but what caught my attention was her character (even after a few wines).

And then the blushes, the whole “hey Josh is single, hint hint nudge nudge” from colleagues.... but could I help it?

Guys. I think I might be IN love. A genuine heartfelt love. Maybe its wrong, but I don't know.

But to take a chance again is somewhat scary. I loved once and was turned down in a kind way. Other times I forced myself into loving something that was not real. To have the capacity to love is surely a great thing. But security always came from withdrawing inside and not sharing and bearing my soul with another.

Is it selfish to think that way? Or should I take a chance on a woman who, for once in so long, I could easily converse with as myself, and who more often than not gave me the most gorgeous, heartwarming smile?

I'm am definitely to meet her within a week at an exhibition dedicated to her artwork. Sure I'm cryptic here... but argh.

Lets play it by ear.

Its 1am so I'm finishing up to sleep. I want to write more but feel an audio file would help me come across much more... emotionally to you, my wonderful audience. Bah I'm ranting.

Basically without pining to you on my lack of lovelife.. I'm in genuinely good spirits and am maturing into something my family would be proud of.

In short, I'm ruling my world, I'm taking the mic and laying down the line. And as for this girl, I think I like her. And I'm going to get to know her, so wish me luck!

Because honestly what is embarrasment when we may miss out on something good.

Until then my friends, stay safe, stay well.

- J

All I see are browns and golds; yellow pools of light streaming down through tiny dewdrops of transcendence poised mid-air. Standing in the cold depths of Sydney rain is a wonder in of itself. You can marvel the coarseness of the roads, paved in white lines to guide those in misdirection. Bulbs of white light, line upon line, make up the lower half of this busy city. The architecture of stone and wood, of doors and panes and tin roofs reels me back to old times.

Nearby cars trail by and their motors rumble through the darkness, in and out of my view. It's night. And oh the smell. You know that strange scent of rain off gravel? I greets my nose with a wave of gritty streets, past presence and fills me up wholly. I'm reminded back to my school days, but push on. Not even the views of the Sydney Harbor Bridge and Sydney Opera House reeling into my view all of a sudden can deter me from my quest.

And it's here I feel alive. Throwing away all caution to the wind, I run down through cold bitter wind, past the stragglers and the homeless skipping over sketchy pavements, greyish-charcoal rocks and through alleyways daring to be explored. I stand, listen and wait for a “sign”. Nothing. I move to the waters' edge, and the salty smell of the sea hits me hard. I breathe it in, suck in the smells of this other more natural world and close my eyes, a smile gently crawling onto my face.

Down here, down under in a world thats oft forgotten and more than never categorised by its animals, I feel like my true self. I can run around the streets and curbways, free to be myself, despite the cold bitter chills up my spine. Damn this rain. But then again, it's the one constant in life that, when it hits me, I literally feel alive. Ad my hair begins to cling to my face, I understand now. It hits me, it hurts, it makes me feel alive.

And then reality kicks in. The deadlines, obligations and responsibilities, some social, others not so.

That was me tonight, and for just a moment, I was in bliss.

Since my previous post I've been doing a lot of thinking. Of whether I should bother pursuing relationships or wait for them to come my way. But  now, I begin to understand love life and the pursuit of happiness is not something that can be won. The biggest muscles will never conceal the tiniest brain, just as the booksmarts can never hide self-placed limitations.

Find the video here:

http://publish.vx.roo.com/australian/ausvideopage/?Channel=The+Nation&ClipId=1402_080213-sorry&Format=wmp&bt=IE&bp=WIN&bst=IE&biec=true&format=wmp&bitrate=300

Hi everyone,

This entry may come as a surprise to you. My sudden disappearance from LJ not withstanding, there has been much change in my life of late, so I thought for at least the few that read this I may entertain you with some tidbits of a young man's life. This entry may also be one of the more important ones I write, and I ask that you all take some time to read and reflect on some of the more serious notes contained herein.