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Mwahaha filming madness!

I must confess it took me a while to remember how to post on LJ, its been what 3 months now? Ah well facebook has claimed me.. sorry peeps!

Anyways I'm posting a video filmed in 07/08 that a friend and I made last night. We just knocje dup our little trip into Sydney, how you all enjoy!




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I"m back for a bit

Has it really been nearly two a half months since my last entry? EEP!

 

For many it will be a surprise that I am back and writing. And perhaps a lot of you have turned off in the meanwhile. I do apologise for not responding to my dear American friends. LJ however was a period, a phase in which I would transcend and become a new “me”. It was a means to an end, looking back, and I thank you all for your comments and additions at the time.

 

However not to get all emotional and D&M, its great to be (at least ,momentarily) returning.

 

And the reason is purely sharing of relfections.

 

Yes I, the humble young Australian, am once again head-over-heels in love.

 

It could be lust, it could be piqued interest. But its something....that raises my curiosity. But let me run back to the beginning to make some sense.

 

You see, I've spent the past 2-3 months doing so much, but it feels like such a longer time. My work has just gone up and up into heights of personal achievement and gratification I could only dream of.

 

I have a wonderful team, an amazing family and an ideal-ish life.

 

But finding that other, that someone... well I may be there, I may be not. And I may need your guidance.

 

I met a girl at a random bar a month ago (yes it sounds cliché). Now she was no physical beauty in the mainstream sense, but we laughed and chatted and decided to pursue a relationship for a week. It didn't last as I called it off I didn't have that physical attraction.

 

And then an Aussie superstar came into my sights, and I was smitten. I loved her voice, her sould her purity and heart, and still do.

 

And yes, much to my colleagues chargrin, we danced and laughed as newly-found friends. It was however a short lived acquaintence.

 

But realism is kicking in. Much like the last girl I was smitten for, I'vre come to realise though shes got a beautiful soul, it could only happen in a fantasy world.

 

But then tonight... well wow. LJ – I may have found her at the most unexpected time in my life.

 

I remember rocking up to this artsy well-to-do gathering, and walking around in my business attire, white wine in one hand, eyes searching for those I knew in the crowd. And then I was introduced to her.

 

At first glance, she seemed... cute. Honest. Open. And so we begun the intricate dance of subtle courtship, sharing stories and weaving words and laughter into topics familiar and alien alike.

 

Turns out we have similar passions. She in arts, mine in media. And when I took visage upon her works... I behald a sight mine eyes hath not seen before. For in those dots and acrylic swirls lay meaning, message and compassion.

 

Here is a woman who is true and loving to her people and family. Sure she was a treat to the eye, but what caught my attention was her character (even after a few wines).

 

And then the blushes, the whole “hey Josh is single, hint hint nudge nudge” from colleagues.... but could I help it?

 

Guys. I think I might be IN love. A genuine heartfelt love. Maybe its wrong, but I don't know.

 

But to take a chance again is somewhat scary. I loved once and was turned down in a kind way. Other times I forced myself into loving something that was not real. To have the capacity to love is surely a great thing. But security always came from withdrawing inside and not sharing and bearing my soul with another.

 

Is it selfish to think that way? Or should I take a chance on a woman who, for once in so long, I could easily converse with as myself, and who more often than not gave me the most gorgeous, heartwarming smile?

 

I'm am definitely to meet her within a week at an exhibition dedicated to her artwork. Sure I'm cryptic here... but argh.

 

 

Lets play it by ear.

 

Its 1am so I'm finishing up to sleep. I want to write more but feel an audio file would help me come across much more... emotionally to you, my wonderful audience. Bah I'm ranting.

 

Basically without pining to you on my lack of lovelife.. I'm in genuinely good spirits and am maturing into something my family would be proud of.

 

In short, I'm ruling my world, I'm taking the mic and laying down the line. And as for this girl, I think I like her. And I'm going to get to know her, so wish me luck!

 

Because honestly what is embarrasment when we may miss out on something good.

 

Until then my friends, stay safe, stay well.

 

- J

It's been a long and trialling week. You know, the ones where you get those highs and lows, and there's so much on your plate you barely register eating and sleeping?

Yeah.

Work is going through huge change, my other flatmates are going through a non-speaking period due to one disagreeing with the other's lifestyle habits, and the bills just came in.

Oh yeah, and Terminus pics aer up = double woe (no, I couldn't go and yes, I really wanetd to!).

How to solves the problems of the world...

Flatmates + firends + corn chips + salsa dip + Aladdin = a very good night.

After a couple of energy drinks and binge eating, we found ourselves with the Disney classic, reciting lines by Robin Williams and laughing along with Apu.

Honestly that movie has every moral story one could ever need in life.

And I has some D&Ms with the flatties (and sent embarrasing emails to all my friends too!) so am on a happy high right now.

Aww it's 3am, time for work soon!

Night all, I'ma head off whilst I'm in a good mood.

*hugs and all that mushy nice stuff friends send each other*

- Josh

Random thoughts

All I see are browns and golds; yellow pools of light streaming down through tiny dewdrops of transcendence poised mid-air. Standing in the cold depths of Sydney rain is a wonder in of itself. You can marvel the coarseness of the roads, paved in white lines to guide those in misdirection. Bulbs of white light, line upon line, make up the lower half of this busy city. The architecture of stone and wood, of doors and panes and tin roofs reels me back to old times.

Nearby cars trail by and their motors rumble through the darkness, in and out of my view. It's night. And oh the smell. You know that strange scent of rain off gravel? I greets my nose with a wave of gritty streets, past presence and fills me up wholly. I'm reminded back to my school days, but push on. Not even the views of the Sydney Harbor Bridge and Sydney Opera House reeling into my view all of a sudden can deter me from my quest.

And it's here I feel alive. Throwing away all caution to the wind, I run down through cold bitter wind, past the stragglers and the homeless skipping over sketchy pavements, greyish-charcoal rocks and through alleyways daring to be explored. I stand, listen and wait for a “sign”. Nothing. I move to the waters' edge, and the salty smell of the sea hits me hard. I breathe it in, suck in the smells of this other more natural world and close my eyes, a smile gently crawling onto my face.

Down here, down under in a world thats oft forgotten and more than never categorised by its animals, I feel like my true self. I can run around the streets and curbways, free to be myself, despite the cold bitter chills up my spine. Damn this rain. But then again, it's the one constant in life that, when it hits me, I literally feel alive. Ad my hair begins to cling to my face, I understand now. It hits me, it hurts, it makes me feel alive.

And then reality kicks in. The deadlines, obligations and responsibilities, some social, others not so.

That was me tonight, and for just a moment, I was in bliss.

Since my previous post I've been doing a lot of thinking. Of whether I should bother pursuing relationships or wait for them to come my way. But  now, I begin to understand love life and the pursuit of happiness is not something that can be won. The biggest muscles will never conceal the tiniest brain, just as the booksmarts can never hide self-placed limitations.

 

Perhaps this is my maturation, my time to emerge as a butterfly. I'm beginning to get over the sorrow and the pain at failure and take in what's there for what it is.

I have failed, I'll admit it. I can't pickup a girl, I'm not that kind of confident. I'm a spontatneous guy, but I like my little square box at times. But I'm not going to give in any more to what I perceive to be right - ie that picking up girls is "easy", tokenising the whole art of lovers as a vending machine.

I only wish I knew where I could look to find someone who I can just talk to and be with. My twin's great - we can talk about anything when the situation calls for it. But, I don't know - I need that other in my life, and I don't want to wait around for it but at the same time I don't  want to bow to preconceptions.

Gah I'm getting way too bogged down. But what are we but mortals when it comes to it all. For all the emotion and feeling andexperience it goes to show we are only truly human, and for that I can be happy.

Thanks Meg and Vixx, appreciate your messages. It's good to know someone's listening :)

If you do read this, I ask you learn from my mistakes of not trying hard enough, and ask yourself this question:

Do you love yourself enough, first, to be able to find someone else who loves you more?
For all those that know me (and for those that don't) my sexuality has often been defined by those around me. Having a flamboyant nature and a love for the arts, literature, technology, dance, music, and food, I've always been one to take in all that I see for what it is and embrace it in whole.

lolcat in da huwse!

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Road to Recovery

I've seriously lost track of all time being sick... but let me backtrack.

I had Wednesday-Friday off work, and luckily I did that. My fever/headache, aches and pains etc became worse. By Thursday, it reached a horrible point. I went to the doctor and picked up some antibiotics, but that when things started getting serious.

Last night I had take headache pills, antibiotics, crackers, water, gatorade etc..... but even after a shower I was still feeling a bit queasy. I'm lucky I brought a bowl into my room, because my stomach decided to bring it all up.

Yeah, that was a horrible night.

Not to mention I think the medication is give me hallucinations... I had some very weird dreams, and remember falling in and out of sleep... but I'm up at 2am feeling surprisingly okay. The coughing has subsided and there's no more sore throat, but the temperature and headaches and nausea are still there.

Well wish me luck. I'm going home to family so they can look after me *evil grin* although I really want to go back to work. Hopefully I'll get betetr soon!

*runs off to nibble on watercrackers and toast*

Oh by the way, does anyone know of a connection between coughing and arm-pain? I'm finding when I get into coughing fits pain will shoot down my left arm, but if I hold it straight up in the air when I cough, the pain doesn't come. Weird.

*big hugs* - and by the way I did pick up the chicken noodle soup and sprite :)

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Ugh. I'm Sick, run away!

SO last night found me walking a friend home after a weekend of filming Sydney. However when he said he wasn't feeling well and then proceeded to bring the contents of his lunch up in the garden... yeah that was a sign of things to come.

I went to bed on Monday night with a throbbing headache, only to wake with an all-ready-to-go sore throat.

Like seriously, wtf?!?!

So It's gotten progressively worse over today at work, with the sniffles and aches and pains coming along.

God help me I think I have the flu *cry* although our lovely receptionist did the kindest thing and brought me ginger, honey and lemon juice to soothe my throat (it did such wonders!)

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